What the Japanese are doing right

The Japanese people are some of the politest, most patriotic people you’ll ever find. And that’s where they’re outdoing everyone. They have managed to mix an Americanesq sense of individual freedom, and combine it with a sense of social responsibility to make one heck of a combo.

Another thing Japan has going for them is earthquakes. Cause man, there’s nothing like a natural disaster to bring people close together. There are so many earthquakes in Japan in a day that people have gone from clutching each other in panic to showing God the middle-finger. And a collective middle-finger from the 130 million odd people in Japan is one heck of a bonding factor. And earthquakes are fun for tourists too. Your bum shakes about in whatever it happens to be lying on, its an incredible feeling.

Sometimes you wonder whether a people can really be so submissive, yet so bound to honour and country. I mean these chaps don’t think twice about cutting their own guts out (it’s called Hara-Kiri). If you believe the movies that come out of this great country, its almost a national pastime. They are in the top-ten in the world when it comes to suiciding. Is that a word? Should be. At least in Japan. But maybe thats because they are just too happy with themselves. All that smiling is bound to take a toll. Look at Chucky. Or Jim Carrey.
Also on the list of what Japan is doing right is Judo. I mean, why would anyone mess with a country where the kids are taught how to choke windpipes with their palms before they learn how to walk?

There are also huge collections of manga and hentai everywhere, and kinky little sex shops for the deviants who can’t get enough of hand on man action. And the country is famous for sparkly stuff that make weird noises. No not the girls, though they do that too. Stuff like video games, cell-phone covers, cars. Funny stuff aside. Japan has the worlds best roller-coasters, and the most symmetrical mountain the world. Also its pretty darn easy to climb, and then you can boast to the world that you climbed a mountain, and they’ll think you’re cool instead of the fat tub of lard that you really are. So if I were you. I’d go to Japan for a few days. Soak in the patriotic spirit, grab beers (and asses) at Roppongi, and then watch the sunrise from Mt. Fuji, reflecting on what a waste your entire life has been.
Did I mention holidaying there is dead cheap?
–Dark Master–
97.5% of all people who read this post will only ever go to Japan because of the last line.

Its a volcano, but its not going to blow any time soon.