10 Reasons European Commodes score over Indian Ones.

Yes. You saw that right, I am now going to throw away all attempts at maintaining respectability on this blog and write about why I prefer European Commodes.
A western toilet is a safe haven at home to every body who reads, writes, smokes or masturbates. Look at the facilities it provides- a chair-like support at the thigh with a huge opening through which you can rattle your shit in. When I say rattle, I mean spew. Shit doesn't make a rattling sound, you moron.
So here are my 10 reasons why Western Commodes are preferable. With justifications.

1. The position: A WC is ergonomically designed for the comfort of the user. People with poor flexibility, arthritis or bad backs have a hard time squatting to take a dump.

Fuck, that doesn't explain anything at all. But this, does.

2. The view: The fact that you're sitting on top of your shit makes it very difficult for you to actually see it. In the Indian style, your deuce just lies there, for the whole world to see(if you forget to flush).
3. Less destructive: The total value of things I've dropped into the Indian Commode would have bought me a PS3 by now. It devours everything that hovers above it or falls near it, not only your crap. Its a fucking black hole. Need proof, here it is and I shit you not.
4. Shag space: If one ever needed privacy at home, one simply sauntered into the loo with a magazine or a device that played video.
5. Un-interrupted connectivity: Step 1- wi-fi your house. Step 2 - take your laptop/cell-phone EVERYWHERE you go.

If therere ever was a guy with a big L on his face.

6. Safer environment: Apart from not loosing your things to a black hole, you'll also never slip while getting up or sitting down on a Euro-loo.
7. More value for money: If we define value for money by the number of hours we spend sitting on a loo to the cash we spend on it, then the Euro-loo out strips the Indian by a colossal margin. I've spent a quarter of my life on these babies.
8. A place where knowledge is free: I'm not trying to boast, but I've started and finished more books in a loo than most people ever read in their lives. Wait, that actually sounds like I have no life. WHY GOD, WHY?

Heaven.

9. Puff, puff, puff it till you puff yourself to death: Well this is true for any toilet with an exhaust fan, but when you can do so it total comfort, safe in the knowledge that if you do die in the next five minutes, you'll be seated gracefully on a pot rather than sprawled out all over the floor with your head in the loo.
10. You can drive this shit: Imagine taking a dump while breaking a world record. You don't believe me? What have I done to earn this skepticism.

The only verifiable fact in this article. Jolene van Vugt, 'The Nitro girl', at 46mph.

Euro-loo's rule.

4,986,855,755 people around the world use a European style loo. The rest use Mother Nature.